littlethings

fondness is awesome

i think people talk a lot about change and reinvention but very little about continuity. the simple act of remaining fond. the way certain affections remain with you through every version of yourself. years pass and your life changes shape around them. things end, things begin and somehow there are still parts of you that feel connected to what once mattered. something catches your attention once and instead of disappearing, it follows you. or maybe you follow it.

sometimes i look around and realize that almost everything meaningful in my life began with a small attachment i refused to abandon. affection seems so gentle when you’re inside it. it doesn’t feel productive or important but it accumulates and it gathers weight. one interest leads to another. one curiosity opens a door into a whole section of yourself. one thing you love introduces you to another thing you love. and one day you look around and realize how much of yourself has formed around the things you kept returning to.

maybe that’s why i have such a soft spot for people with favorite things. people who have loved the same book for ten years or who still listen to the same album they listened to when they were seventeen. people who carry their attachments with them instead of outgrowing them. i think there is a kind of devotion in continuing to care. in letting something remain close to you simply because it still feels like it belongs there.

when i think about who i am, i don’t really think of the major events anymore. i think of the things that held my attention and the things i couldn’t stop returning to. the things that felt alive to me and continued to feel alive. maybe a self is nothing more than that. maybe a life is just the shape that forms around whatever we remain fond of long enough.